| [.ew.] |
[Apr. 6th, 2007|11:32 pm] |
| [ | Where I'm At |
| | Sams livingroom | ] |
| [ | The Feelings |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | The Noise |
| | Nothing. | ] |
life?
klil me now. |
|
|
| [fuck off.] |
[Mar. 21st, 2007|08:12 pm] |
| [ | Where I'm At |
| | Room | ] |
| [ | The Feelings |
| |  fuck.fuck.fuck. | ] |
| [ | The Noise |
| | MSI | ] |
i hate you.
I hope
you OD
on alcohol,
and you die.die.die.
fuck off,
you dumb bitch.
Go kill yourself.
HATE HATE HATE. |
|
|
| [things change] |
[Mar. 20th, 2007|01:45 am] |
| [ | Where I'm At |
| | Brother's Room | ] |
| [ | The Feelings |
| |  thirsty | ] |
| [ | The Noise |
| | Avril LaFUCKINGvinge | ] |
I thought things were going to be amazing.
I was wrong.
They weren't amazing.
In fact,
they sucked.
James and me.
overoverover.
It's so over
its like,
it never even started.
My dad told me that if I clean my room
before he gets home
tomorrow,
magically good things will happen.
I have no fucking clue
what the fuckfuckfuck that means,
but I think it means
he was stoned.
But I'm going to hold him to it,
because it involves me getting my phone
turned back on.
woot.
I want to sleep.
forever
and
ever
and then some.
Sleep.
sleep.
sleep.
I'm gunna use Caroline's stairs,
throw myself down them
and get some rest.
So what if i'm lying on the floor.
I'll still be sleeping
and thats all that matters.
I should really get to bed.
I'm done with chapter eight.
Which means I start chapter nine.
Stupid ski lodge.
I wont let them leave just yet.
Some more DRAMA
needs to go
d
o
w
n
.
Starting Chapter nine
tomorrow.
After school,
Rugby practice,
and cleaning my room.
I should be able to start around seven or so.
Joy.
Im going to go to sleep.
I'll shower in the A.M.
night night.
sleep tight.
CUNT |
|
|
| [.JAMES.RUN.LIKE.] |
[Mar. 7th, 2007|03:09 pm] |
This morning started out shakey.
It progressed into something nice.
Now it's at horrid.
JAMES.
Ok.
Things are finally happening with us.
Yesterday morning was <33333
Amazing James.
Love.Laugh.Smile.
He likes me.
I like him.
I HATE COMPLICATIONS.
Stupid grounding.
I cant stop thinking about him.
And youre like gag me with a spoon.
Sam is being weird with me.
I think she's mad at me.
I dont know.
She said she isn't,
but she never wants to talk to me.
I feel like i'm losing my best friend.
I hate that feeling.
JAMES.JAMES.JAMES.JAMES.
was in his ROTC uniform,
and I was like,
going to faint.
I wanted to rape him.
That uniform drives me WILD.
Were going to be together tomorrow.
Kisses?
Hopes.
I want to run.
Im in such a good mood.
And when that happens.
I want to run for hours.
The morning me and James were together,
I ran up and down three flights of stairs
seven times,
to burn off the amazing energy
he gave me,
but it stayed.
Its still here.
RUN.RUN.RUN.RUN.
Music is making me float away.
So are memories.
And ice pops.
LOVE.LOVE.LOVE.LOVE.
I need to eat something.
I'm hungry.
So I am going to go.
Bye Bye Bye. |
|
|
| [happy] |
[Mar. 4th, 2007|02:33 pm] |
| [ | Where I'm At |
| | Room | ] |
| [ | The Feelings |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | The Noise |
| | Imogen Heap | ] |
im excited.
James likes me.
i exploaded last night
when he said.
soo.
i died. |
|
|
| [.sleepsleep.] |
[Feb. 22nd, 2007|05:09 pm] |
| [ | Where I'm At |
| | The Room | ] |
| [ | The Noise |
| | Imogen Heap - Speeding Cars | ] |
I always want to sleep.
So I am going to take a nap.
I'm going to the mall with Will.
Sunday will equal funfunfun.
I wrote 62 pages.
I wrote myself right into a hole.
Nothing I can say.
It sucks.
My dad promised I'd get my phone turned back on.
"Before you go back to the mall,
dont worry."
BullFXCKINGshit.
three days
daddy.
Thats all you have left.
Speeding Cars-
Now Now baby
its just text book stuff
its in the ABC of growing up.
Now now darling, oh dont kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yet.
That.Is.LOVE.
Imogen Heap.
Is amazing.
SleepSleepSleep.
Naps are for preschoolers.
Fuck you.
So long Dahhlings. |
|
|
| [.kill me.] |
[Feb. 21st, 2007|04:51 am] |
| [ | Where I'm At |
| | The Room | ] |
| [ | The Feelings |
| | pissed off | ] |
| [ | The Noise |
| | Just my thoughts. | ] |
It's 4:48 in the morning. I didn't sleep a wink. My alarm is going to ring in less than 2 hours.
Shoot me.
Please.
School is going to be a hellish trainwreck today because of this no sleep thing.
Im signing off. If I can actully get to sleep.
and hour and 45 minutes is better than nothing?
No.
I'll just be more tired.
fuck.fuck.fuck.
Oh well.
Like I said before.
oh fucking well. |
|
|
| [.feel.] |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|11:16 pm] |
| [ | Where I'm At |
| | My Room | ] |
| [ | The Feelings |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | The Noise |
| | Quietdrive | ] |
Today was weird.
I was either really happy
or freakishly tired.
We had a fucking Fcat PEP RALLY.
WTF?
My school is so fucked.
Condoms were blown up,
and thrown throughout the gym.
haha?
That doesn't make me laugh anymore.
Fuck?
Yes.
NO.
Why?
NO.
Go Die.
Fine.
slut...
????
Weird. But that happened today.
Between me and Jacob.
Hes like "Fuck?"
and then the rest happened.
blah blah blah.
Boring.
Im not exactly tired.
but I should go to bed.
I really should.
But I wont just yet.
Well.
On my way home from school today
I was pummeled by my brothers friend Nick.
He was running lightning speed,
and ran right the fuck into me.
I flew.
He flew.
ON TOP OF ME.
ok, so he's really hot.
But,
it was painfull.
He's like.
"Oh shit. Sorry. Haha. I just ran over Vinny's little sister. Shit. Sorry"
than he ran off again.
Im like...
Uhm.
jerk.
you.
very.
hot.
jerk.
But whatever.
it made the day end less boring.
Quietdrive.
I just found them a few days ago.
They are my new love.
lovelovelovelovelove.
lovelovelovelovelove.
Yum.
Well.
I dont believe I have anything left to say.
Maybe I should go on a rant.
Like, full of things I'm feeling.
That I don't say.
To anybody.
Not even Sam.
Which Is bad.
Because she is my best friend.
And I should tell her everything.
But I do.
Mostly.
I only sometimes keep the deeper feelings locked up.
I don't think she wants to be bothered.
She has enough of her own shit.
She doesn't need mine.
How do I feel?
like shit.
complete shit.
I feel lonely.
I find solace in music.
in sleep.
I think I'm breaking inside.
And nothing can stop it.
I feel alone.
Despite the numerous people who claim
to be my friend.
I feel dead.
Im just sitting here.
thinking about how I really feel.
and Im about to cry.
I never really think about how I truly feel.
I like to hide it.
and find something I can pull happy from.
even if the happy is fake 98% of the time.
I'm happy when I'm with Sam.
yes. she makes me smile.
I'm happy when i'm with Will at the mall.
It's fun.
I'm happy when I sneak out at 3 in the morning
to sit on my driveway
and do
absolutely
nothing.
That.right.there.makes.me.smile.like.nothing.else.
The night.
I dont think thats everything.
I could write a whole damn book
on every bad feeling,
everylast insecurity,
every broken hearted moment,
every let down.
The let downs,
could make a whole book themselves actually.
I'm done.
I can't handle thinking anymore.
My whole body hurts.
I have a huge test tomorrow morning.
Am I going to study?
It's 11: 37.
No.
I might in the morning.
But I probably wont.
Another F.
One more failure.
Who knows.
This might be the last failure
I can take.
Even if Ive been failing since before I was born.
i failed at being born on time.
That says something.
A born failure.
But Im still not used to it.
Oh well.
I shrug it off,
like I do to everything that makes me feel like
pulling the goddamn trigger. |
|
|
| [.garbage.] |
[Feb. 19th, 2007|11:32 pm] |
| [ | Where I'm At |
| | My Room | ] |
| [ | The Feelings |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | The Noise |
| | Quietdrive | ] |
this world is a giant piece of
crap.
people are self centered,
greedy,
rude,
thoughtless.
and I hate them all.
Well, I can stand some,
and I do love a few,
but they aren't many.
I really really really want to leave this place. never look back. smile. and laugh at all of the people stuck here. but that wont happen. no matter how much I wish. no matter how much I dream. I am stuck here. and it makes me sadder than anything.
Music is my life right now. Imogen Heap, Frou Frou, Quietdrive, and Shiny Toy Guns. I can't stop listening. All day, all night, I wish I could during school. My iPod got stolen, and I cant get another one. I want music with me everywhere. I wish I could have a live band follow me around twenty-four-seven. Every band my heart desires,
right at my feet.
I don't think I like anyone right now. I can't really say anything about James. I don't believe I feel anything for him any longer. I have little petty crushes, shallow ones. But they are nothing and meaningless. Shallow and lacking foundation. I kind of feel weird not liking someone. I'm used to always liking somebody. I don't now. It's making me feel awekward inside. I think I'm becoming scared of the letdown. I can't hype myself up to not care. I never could. I don't know why, but I need to like a guy, or have a guy to feel right. I wish I didn't need a guy to make me feel special, but I do. I wish I could think like Sam. I wish I didn't need a guy to make me whole.
My heart aches for people. The ones who don't deserve to burn at least. I ache for the people on the streets, the starving kids, and the hurt. I wish I could help. Start a rally. A rally for what, exactly? I should get some George Forman Grills, slabs of steak, blankets, pillows, and SODA, and hand it out to all the homeless. I'm going to create the miracle pill and cure all the diseases, bottle up all the love and hand it out to the hurting.
No.
I'm just going to keep dreaming. One day, maybe, I could do something along those lines.But I know something to that extreem, I could never accomplish.
The world is garbage.
I feel like I'm falling.
I can't stop.
And you can't help me.
I don't know how to slow down.
Or make my hair stop whipping my face.
But yet I can't seem to stop smiling.
Free falling.
I'm almost possitive,
I jumped off that cliff.
You see.
I didn't want to live.
And down I went.
I don't really remember.
How this all started.
Something about a heartbreak.
Tears streaming down my face.
A pain shot through my chest.
I could fall to my knees.
And I did.
At the edge of that cliff.
And I got up and jumped right off.
I know I smile.
On the long way down.
But it isn't worth it.
I wasted away.
Everything I could of seen.
Maybe I could of healed.
But I gave it all away.
In a second.
The biggest mistake I've ever made.
i don't exactly know where that came from.
it came out of absolutly nowhere. |
|
|
| [harmonious] |
[Feb. 18th, 2007|08:10 pm] |
| [ | Where I'm At |
| | My room | ] |
| [ | The Feelings |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | The Noise |
| | Quietdrive | ] |
okokokokkokkok.
things have taken a wild
swing.
We have to move.
Nowhere far,
but somewhere.
My dad was about
to buy this awesome
condo.
but they have
these ludacrissss
condo association
rules.
My dad told them
to fuck off.
I want to move
far.
To like,
Michigan,
or New York,
Or Illinois[Chicago],
or even,
Mass.[Boston]
But we wont.
I want to wirte
forever.
and ever
and ever.
I'm going to
listen to music,
forever.
I am right now.
Shiny Toy Guns.
Rocketship.
My myspace is hott.
I love it.
the bckgrnd.
It's the same
as on here.
Things are screwy.
very.
very.
super.
duper.
screwy.
Mall in 7 days.
Yum.
Next Sunday.
Alice, Will,
Jacob, Nikki,
Amanda, Walter.
Mall Crew.
Well, me and Will go
alone.
Maybe with Alice.
I want to
fly.
fxcking
fly.
awayawayaway
awayawayaway
awayawayaway
awayawayaway
awayawayaway
far away. |
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